On the second life forums I often read posts from people, who are looking for new friends in Second Life. Some of these people seam to be very lonely in Second Life, have difficulties to meet people and get to know them better. To me that seamed strange at first, as I never had problems to get to know people. I actually never had to actively seek friends, or people to hang out with. It just happened somehow.
First I thought, I should write some kind of guide how to make friends in Second Life, but then I thought: “No, thats not Caroline’s style. My readers want to have first hand experiences , not guidelines like: “5 ways to makes friends” or “the friends guide”. Hence I went on a mission. For the first time in my Second Life, I went out to actively look for new friends.
The first thing I did was looking at my profile. Does it actually invite people to contact me? Does it really tell something about me, my interests, my favorite places, my intentions? I carefully and critically changed it to reflect who Caroline is in Second Life.
This is what my SL Biography says:
I am not a noob. I am an alt.
I write a blog that will tell you the story and travels of Caroline. It is meant to be an entertaining travel guide for beginners. That’s why I travel a lot over the entire grid. You know an interesting sim or story I can write about? Don’t be shy and IM me I don’t bite and I enjoy getting to know places and people. I also help noobs in Second Life to find their way around fantasia land. Ask me, I might have the answer.
In the section “Interests” you can add up to 20 different “tags”, showing people what you like.
My interests are:
Blogging, Beaches, Exploring, Making friends, meeting people, Swingers, Sex, Business & marketing, Gorean roleplay, Role playing, Blogs, Jazz and blues, Erotic art, Live music, Freebies, Shopping, Aviation, flying aircraft, helping noobs, Second life sailing, write about stuff.
This should give the reader a pretty good idea.
In the section “real l.ife” I made clear, that I am not interested in real life contacts. For me SL is SL and RL is RL. I do not mix the two at all. If that’s different in your case, state it in your profile. This is an important one, as there is a huge distinction between so-called immersionist (somebody who immerses into a virtual world and creates a virtual identity) and people who use second life like they would use any other social media (those expect you to be quite open about who you are in reality). There is no wrong or wright here, its just a different perspectives and different ways of using Second Life. Both are acceptable, but its important to let people know about your stand on it, for not to create wrong expectations.
Ok, next step: Where to go?
Best is you go to places, where people with similar interests like yourself might hang out. I have chosen a popular clothing optional beach. Its the one I wrote about in the very beginning of this Blog. Its called Sunset Beach. I met some interesting people there in the past, so I figured its a good place to start my new mission. So I put on my bikini and off I went.
Now I had to make a choice. Sitting around on that place and wait until somebody Ims me (contacts me via In-World Messenging) , or actively approaching people. I went for the later, surprise, surprise.
But first, some “profile perving”. I have no idea who invented this term, but it became the meme for “looking at other peoples profiles”. Don’t worry, it sounds harsher than it is. Lets not forget that people create profiles for other people to read them. Otherwise where is the point in creating a public profile in the first place?
So, I was reading the profiles of the people around me. One particularly sparked my interest. There was a guy, with a quite well done avatar. He looked kinda older than other avatars, not the typical “forever young” thing, ya know what I mean. His list of interest where almost a 100% match of mine. Hence the reason IM-ed Nicolas (his Second Life name). This lead to a an interesting and humorous conversation at the end of which, we added us on the friends list and we decided to meet again and go exploring some sailing regions together.
So here you have got it. Its easy!
Next day I went there again. This time I had a problem. My avatar did not load and I saw myself as a cloud. I mentioned my problem in open chat and somebody IM-ed me with a helpful tip: Wear something additional and take it off again. He-ya that worked fine and a conversation started off.
This guy is since 2008 in Second Life and has seen it all. From owning land, at one time even an entire region to yachts and all the stuff people do in their first years in Second Life. He even had a two year Second Life marriage behind him. Now he downsized his Second Life to a life on beaches as a homeless single with no strings, no attachments and no financial obligations. Most of his time he spends on exploring and visiting music events and clubs.
We were also talking about relationships in SL. He told me he was actually dating a Lady once, but when he was away only two weeks for real life reasons and came back, she was partnered with somebody else. These things happen in SL. At the moment he doesn’t have a romantic relationship, but doesn’t mind the odd erotic adventure.
You know were his is going don’t you? My regular readers at least.
Yep. One TP and a few minutes later, he showed me one of his favorite beach in Second Life. Actually a members only beach, where you have to pay 100 LD to join. I told him, that I don’t have much money on this account, and he was kind enough to pay my membership fee.
The place is really stunning. The theme is a tropical beach, with lots of waterfalls, coves and so on. What amazed me most was the simulation of tropical rain. As you can see in this picture (I know its a bit dark).
Also a nice thing of this region is, that as a member you can actually rez your own stuff from huds, such as pose balls for dancing and ….sex. Now I learned (learning by doing hahaha) about the best sex hud I have ever seen in Second Life. What makes it actually different to other huds you best read on marketplace, were you also can purchase it of course:
Without question the best and most realistic sex animations I have seen so far, and hey, I have seen lots of them, as you can imagine.
Here an example:
Whilst I was chatting with the guy, an old friend started to talk to me. He wasn’t on the beach, but is on my friends list of course. He really is a friend I met under my main account. It is generally a good idea to tell your friends about your ALTs. Simply because if they dont know, and you are not using the other account a lot, you will loose contact with them. In fact a lot of friendships in Second Life end, because one parties chooses to start fresh on a new account and doesn’t tell his friends. Often the reason is actually to get away from drama or complicated relationships. If that’s the case, you are better off not telling anyone, but the ones you really trust.
A blast from the past
The first day on the Sunset beach, something really weird happened. My regular readers will remember the times, when I was hanging out with a group of people at Garry’s music club. For reference read : How I met Garry
Garry actually became very ill. He got stomach cancer and had to go to hospital. Since then the group kinda vanished too, and I actually never heard of any of them ever since. This is also something you need to be aware off. Very often people leave Second Life for real life reasons. People come and people go. So don’t expect to make everlasting friendships in Second Life. It just doesn’t really happen. But sometimes even our second life is good for surprises.
At the time I was going out with Tristan, a guy I met on Paradies Beach.He is the one on the featured Imagine.
This is where you last read about him: A steaming flight (Warning: Adult content)
I have not heard of him since a long time. It must be more than sex months at least, a loooong time in Second Life. Out of the blue he is back and contacted me. We briefly met on the beach and he told me he had a break from Second Life for real life reasons, but wants to meet me again.
I actually had almost forgotten about him and moved on. Well, kinda filed it under ex-affairs. Lets see what comes out of this if anything. Next time we meet, he wants to show me some kind of Japanese bondage stuff which he recently discovered. Anyway: I will keep you posted, as I know most of you just love gossip, dont you?
Its not difficult to make friends in Second life, its much harder to keep them. But if you feel you need new friends, simply follow my example and:
- keep profile up to date at all times
- go to places frequented by people that might share your interests
- be proactive, talk to people
If nothing else helps: post on the forum, but please do yourself a favor and dont make it sound too desparete.
And of course: If you like my profil, simply get in touch! I dont bite, I promise 🙂