Is Emoting in Sex-Play Overrated?

The other day I met a new member called Dannyboy at Caroline’s Swinger Mansion. He is actually a follower of Second Life Adventures and joined to meet me in “person” (virtually that is). He said “I hope this is not too creepy”. No, its not, I enjoy meeting my readers and lets face it: I use this blog to even promote the my new venture. So if anybody is thinking about meeting me In-World, don’t hesitate you are absolutely welcome to do so. Just don’t stalk me and bear in mind you might find yourself featured on this site.

The conversation turned to the subject Sex in Second Life and me being of the curious kind (female and a journalist, which makes me probably the most curious person on the grid) I started to ask questions about his very own personal sexperiences. Here is a part of the talk we talked:

Caroline Resident: Does it carry over for you into RL?

dannyboy: I mean I have a gf in rl, so all the crazy stuff I can do here doesn’t translate over but I’d say the consistency is about the same.

Caroline Resident: What I mean is, do you just role-play it or , do you actually get aroused in real or even cuming in real when doing it here?

dannyboy: Yeah I definitely get aroused, sex on here is a replacement for porn on some days. 99% of the time I’m having sex on here I’m jerking off in rl

Caroline Resident: you just said something interesting, sex here is sometimes a replacement for porn. That got me thinking about something, if that is the case then all the roleplay and emoting part is actually not that important anymore, but the animations right?

dannyboy: Correct. I do appreciate emoting and role play sometimes, but I find myself more turned on by “pixel porn” and normal dirty talk that you’d hear during sex. Plus its hard to emote while jerking off haha.

Caroline Resident: Yes, I prefer the role play bit but thats because i am a role-player, but actually sometimes I feel also like just doing it and forget about that part, but i still do it because I think its lame to the other person not to do it.

dannyboy50124: Yeah and that makes sense. Obviously the encounter will be lame if one person is putting work into emoting and the other isn’t even trying. I think everyone involved needs to find a balance though. I remember one girl i was with was a really good and enthusiastic emoter, but hers were so long I had to wait several minutes between everything she sent which kinda killed the mood for me.

From there on, I decided to try with him. I started to emote (as you do) getting out of my cloth. He actually was a good role-player as well. One thing led to the other and shortly afterwards we engaged in hot sexual role-play, more or less to this point:


As of then, we dropped the role-play part and continued with plain, interactive pixel-porn:






Role-play (emoting) is important for those initial steps. I would miss that part, building up the excitement, the banter and so on. But quite frankly, when it gets to a certain point, the role-play gets in the way and plain, straight forward animation and based sex with dirty sex talk in chat is what is required.

A question to my readers

Is role-play or emoting overrated? Whats do you prefer: sexual text base role-play or animation based pixel-porn or like me: a combination of both?

Please leave your opinion in the comments!

21 thoughts on “Is Emoting in Sex-Play Overrated?”

  1. I think if you emote well enough and your partner does, the small break when it’s your turn can help with the build up so to speak. I only read the first few comments. I found this after reading your Gor rp article. Hoping to so find a fantasy rp with Gorean aspect or light bdsm. For women also I think emoting can be a turn on because we are more mental and great emoting creates images and enhances the poses. Sucky poses can ruin good emoting too.

  2. One of the most exciting aspects of sl for me personally is emoting well. It is based on the the premise that the mind is the largest and most response sex organ. I love giving a woman pleasure and making her feel that she is the centre of the experience. I hate fast, hurried sex and just fucking.

    For me it is intoxicating and so erotic to be able to use words, to create a scene that is devoted to giving a woman an experience that is so sensual and erotic for her that she can feel it back in rl. To be imaginative, caring, and if she is so inclined to bring out her inner slut….or to give her tenderness…or both.

    The start being to slowly seduce her, explore her so that i can understand what gives her the most pleasure. From there concentrating on extending that pleasure…taking her to the edge…slowing down or stopping so she anticipates the next steps…wondering when I will give her release….then slowly working our way back up and increasing her enjoyment. When she is at the point where she feels that excitement, that pressure that HAS to be released….and I know that her silence is because I can help her while she finally gives herself that release in rl…..To me…that is the most erotic and satisfying thing I can do for myself…knowing I have been able to give that to her…..if she can reciprocate…all the better.

  3. I need emoting in SL sex or it’s just not satisfying. I want to be able to see in my head and experience how the avatars are moving, what their skin feels like, how they walk, how they stand, as well as the feelings and emotions going around in their heads. If the pose ball is doing a good job and the avatars are cute then I don’t need to read about what we look like or what part of his body is going into what part of my body; that is obvious and very pleasing indeed to watch. But emoting picks up where SL leaves off. Avatars don’t usually have very elaborate or accurate expressions so you can emote that. We can’t see them blushing, sweating, gasping, crying, screaming, or their eyes full of any expression whatsoever. Emoting gives me all those details without which the scenes would be far less emotional, interesting and sexy.

    The build up is also much better with emoting. If I’m sitting in a room and a man enters he could look like many other avatars. If he just walks up to me and starts speaking I have no idea what he’s like. This is great for making friends but when you’re looking for a hot sex scene you need something more than just speech. For example, if a guy walks up to me and starts describing how he is staring down at me with eyes full of lust, or emotes that he is thinking of how good my body would look tied up with the rope he has in his bag… that makes me really want to RP with him and I can also start to imagine the sort of scene we’re likely to have. Avatars can’t eye-fuck; with emotes they can.

  4. I play the role as a Gorean Warrior and most girls really frown on not being able to roleplay as gor is actually a role play game in sl. I simply discuss with my partner what she wishes, short sexual sentences or longer role play.I’m a considerate Gorean and don’t just bang bang thank you Jane and just flit out of her life, so I agree in sorts with Dannyboy, its so off putting for me to have your partner insist on RP if it takes her ten minutes to type, I would much rather have her type /me ohhh yes that feels so good baby,do it harder…ohh odin!
    To the lady that complained about avi’s colors not matching, then are they supposed to not enjoy a sexual encounter if they are say color blind , thats one reason for not being color co-ordinated. Look at the whole picture, his roleplay may take you to heights in your sexual play you never knew was possible.

  5. I was never much into poseball hopping (most likely because I am such a bad poseball operator … who knows 😉 ).
    If people want to watch porn, please do, but here in SL I prefer people who can stimulate with words.

    Well made animations, along with nice avatars and good surroundings add up to the fun, but without a proper written stimulant things quickly become stale.
    I got into a simple SL porn situation once, were after a few words our avatars made a wild ride of sex menu rollercoaster. While my partner was most likely blowing of steam I actually chatted with a girl standing close by about her shoes …. the situation was too hillarious actually but far from being stimulating.

    Lately I even made it a policy to keep my panties on during first encounters and not to go the full distance, to see who is actually able, to nicely emote and keep a situation running. It might frustrate SL porn lover, but gave me some really nice stimulating second encounters and spared me the frustration of being a porn barbie 😉

    1. 🙂 Very well sais and I totally agree. I’m okay with menus but the words are the stimulating part. I prefer to find one nice kind of ‘multi purpose’ position, even if it’s a cuddle and from there on the actions don’t even matter, its the words we say to each other to bring each other to that point. I think some people are simply just ‘visual based’ – but for me, the visual in virtual worlds, other than some well done screen shots, really fall short of anything TRULY stimulating – unless there are words to frame the situation.

  6. My first experiences were before Second Life, in text-based virtual worlds that were multi-user derivatives of such things as became Zork. Much like Second Life, some had a lot of user-created content, and I knew people who wrote pretty extreme sexual fiction.

    So I am biased towards emotes and text, and one-handed typing was even more of a problem.

    Pixel-porn has the same disadvantage as porn movies: in the end you depend on other people to to match your desires, with no real feedback loop. Somebody has to have made the animation, and however much it suits your mood, it’s fixed. It doesn’t change. You can only be surprised once.

    I suppose the text equivalent is the porn novel.

    So the emotes do matter. Not everyone can manage this improv theatre of the bedroom, but it’s a big chunk of what makes SL different from a movie.

  7. Good morning Sweetheart 🙂

    I think emoting gets in the way. I personally prefer the visual to the spoken. Flirty and playful sex talk is important while meeting and getting to know one another but then it becomes an interruption. One of your readers above mentioned that this takes the place of porn at times; I agree. Instead of just looking at photos on the net, here you can have interaction between yourself and a breathing person on the other end, via our avatars. At times I prefer not speaking at all. Each person making his/her intentions known by actions, not words. On a side note, I hope you’re doing well and look forward to seeing you again after summer. Take care of yourself 🙂

  8. Emoting is very important to me. It gives access to the emotions and sensations that visual SLex lacks. As another commenter pointed out, the visual detail SL provides falls far short of reality, jarringly short in many ways. I engage in a lot submissive and masochistic play, so expressing the inner world is as important as a detailed portrait. It makes a much richer experience, and it’s necessary for the experience I want. That said, dannyboy is right that there is a limit, and a long break between emotes can kill the mood.

  9. One word: No.
    To elaborate: I enjoy putting time and effort into how my avatar looks, and while there are times when my mood is for quick and dirty fucking, I also take pride in my emoting and have even received compliments from strangers when having SLex in a public environment. Emoting is what makes intimacy in SL special.

  10. For me, SLex usually does carry over into RL and the best SLex is a combination of good animations and emotes. The problem I find is that the available animation doesn’t match well with what I’m moved to do – thus the need to role play something that doesn’t quite match the animation. I agree with the comment that what makes SLex different is the combination of a visual image and a give and take with another person. I also agree that as the scene progresses, detailed rp is less necessary and actually counterproductive, at least for me.

    1. Kedawi

      for realistic “animation flow” try Tenderlove – my definite favorite! Only downside to it: Its build for heterosexual couples only. No threesomes, no girls-girls fun. I hope the designer comes up with something similar for lesbians and swingers soon.



  11. Dainiz

    I think we need to differenciate here a bit. I was not suggesting that one would not have any exchange of comunication, I was referring to a specific technique which we use in role play:

    /me waves at Danni with a cheeky smile on her face!


  12. I fundamentally disagree with Dannyboy. Only if we understand SL sex as a translation of projection of RL sex then we may say that emoting is not essential and that we can “get off” by looking at some substitute of pornographic images. With all due respect that approach is lamentable. SL sex is not and cannot be a replacement of substitute of pornography due to the simple fact that a good video image or photo will be orders of magnitude superior to any SL rendering. What marks the difference though is the interaction with willing, free and sometimes desirous and loving partners which effectively *communicate* with either in role play or in SL interactions. Here is where we find emoting essential. Not necessarily during the sexual act itself, it may take place *before* as Caroline indicates, or it may take place at any moment. But language is absolutely necessary to establish and complete a connection with the sexual partner or partners in SL. In that sense, if we can “jerk” by looking at SL images (a sad event in itself) then that means that we are missing completely the point of SL sexual exchanges or that we are looking in SL for something that is not there.

    In the same way that SL life is an extension a potentiation, of our RL life, SL sex is an extension, a complex one and not some poor substitute of pornography. We would demean and effectively diminish our SL friends and other Residents by looking at them within that limited perspective.

    1. This really sums up how I feel about it also. Especially:
      ” What marks the difference though is the interaction with willing, free and sometimes desirous and loving partners which effectively *communicate* with either in role play or in SL interactions. ” — yes. Absolutely.

  13. You are asking a very good question Caroline. I will speak of my little experience, and definitely what I can say is that a combination of animations (nice ones) and emotes are the good drivers for a nice moment of shared pleasure between SL and RL. This is before all, a mind game. A nice role player is definitely a turn-on, it is even better if he looks good (and realistic) and even better when the animation let you project your imagination. So I need all of this and probably up to the end. One thing I don’t like definitely is being asked what I am doing behind the scene, please dear lovers never do that! It’s a killer!

  14. For someone who is more interested in the visiual aspect of SL sex he is suprisingly unaware of his own avatar. There are shoes stuck on this naked feet without his intention and the proportions of his head aren’t matching his huge torso.

    Sorry, I couldn’t resist. 😛

    1. Syo

      You know that this is quite common. I think the majority of male avatars are done as a “quick and dirty” job. Attention to detail and realism seam not to be a priority to most guys or they simply don’t know any better yet. Many guys think it is sexy to “schwarzeneggerise” their avatar.

      Btw: I like your critical comments, keep posting them please :-). You are one of my longest lasting follower (more than 3 Years now) and I know you prefer the non-sexual posts. Good news for you: I will soon continue the sailing story!

      Oh, and you should have a free membership at the club as a loyality bonus – if you were interested in the theme of the club!


      1. I think you will find more and more men looking sharp and actually caring about their avs looks. More males are slimming down and moving away from the Gor/Conan looks as mesh clothing fits better and it looks more realistic.
        As a side note, his watch is in his wrist and his hands are massive as well.
        To answer your question about SLex, Personally it depends on the partner i am with. If she enjoys emoting throughout i will do that, if she just wants to virtually knock boots, that works as well. What truly cracks me up is when a male cant even remotely color match his parts. I saw a guy the other day at a nude beach who looked like he had a transplant from Michael Jordan. The rest of his skin was vampire pale.

      2. Aw, that you be a really sweet gesture 🙂

        I’d like to take a look at your club anyway, but sort of forgot to ask for a LM, as you always seemed a little bit too busy to be bothered. I have no problem with your sexual posts (I dare to visit adult sims!), but I often don’t really come up with a comment for them worth posting, which would have more content than “Nice ass, Caroline!”. So…yeah…I’ll be waiting for the sailing story.

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