Lets Talk About Sex!

Caroline also has Sex in Second Life. In fact I am really naughty. The first time (with this avatar) was at Paradies Beach with Tristan, but many encounters with other users followed.

Here I share my experience and write a little guide for noobs about how to have sex in Second Life.

Get the tool!

I am sure you have noticed that your avatar comes without genitals. Hence the first thing you need to do, get yourself a penis/vagina.

Here a piece of advice: Second Life is a visual medium. Hence it does have a certain importance that you choose a penis that actually looks realistic and is in-line with the color of your skin.

There are freebie penises  around, but from what I have seen they look horrible. It is certainly not a turn on to look at an avatar, with a cock that looks like made of wood and is in a totally different color then your skin.

At this point it does make sense to invest a little bit of money to get one that looks decent and realistic. They usually come with a color changer, which allows you to adapt its color to the color of your skin. For the sake of aesthetics, please make that effort!

Contrary to common believe: Size does actually matter, but within reason. You want to make love not an impalment.

Some people find those xcite attachments very sexy. They actually react to clicks on them in open chat. I personally crunch at the thought of a talking penis. I have yet to find out why people buy this stuff. But hey, if it rocks your boat, go ahead get a talking penis.

Get an attractive avatar and get verified

Just like in real live: If you look good you have better chances. Simple as that. With the prefab Linden Avatar you will find it very difficult to get laid. It is important to verify your account as an adult account. Even better is, if you had payment details on your account. You can do both on the Second Life website: www.secondlife.com .

Many Second Life residents have as a personal policy not to do anything sexual  unless the person is at least adult verified. I personally expect payment details on file because a minor will most likely not have access to a credit card whilst verifying an account as adult is rather easy to do.

If you are not into using voice in Second life, it might be a good idea to join a voice verification group. That means you will have to do ONE call to somebody to verify your gender.

For some people it is important what gender the person behind an avatar is, others might not be concerned about that (me for example) as they see sex in Second Life more as a form of role play hence they take the avatar at face value.

On that matter please read this post: Playing the opposite gender in Second Life?

Make an effort

“Wanna fuck?” is not an effort. It actually might get you a similar response from a virtual girl as in real life.  The girls in Second Life do not sit around all day, waiting to please you or for you to fuck them.  Remember there is a real person behind every avatar. Be respectful and don’t assume everybody is just for virtual sex in Second Life.

If you fancy someone, chat with the person, try to get to know her a bit and use your imagination to seduce her. Read her profile before you approach her, this might save you embarrassing situations such as approaching a lesbian or somebody with a partner.

Take her out dancing, show her nice places and most importantly converse and wait for the right moment to talk about sex.

An erotic encounter is much nicer if you “click” with that person, otherwise it’s not sex but nothing but just boring pixel porn, otherwise referred to as “poseball hoping”.


This is an important one. Emoting is describing what, and most importantly how you do something. It is written in open chat  or IM using third person. Technically what you do is, you write /me before whatever you want to write. This will format your text slightly different then normal speech in open chat and removes the: after your name.

An emote would look like this:

“Caroline opens her bra and lets it slide down to the floor, smiling suggestively and says: „you like what you see?”

You get the idea? It’s basically written role play. This gives an erotic encounter a completely different quality as opposed to just looking at two avatars playing animations. The entire encounter is basically a combination of both: animations and emotes.

Please, do yourself a favour and don’t do what we call “thought emotes”.

We had an interesting discussion about emoting here: Is emoting in sex play overrated?

The animations

There are several ways to get those animations.

First of all there is furniture available that has build-in menus for sex animations. You can buy this furniture and rez it in your home if you have one. If you don’t have your own land/home yet, you can use furniture that is provided at many adult places.

Make sure you know some of those locations before you start chatting up a girl. Ideally you know some places with a nice erotic or romantic atmosphere – and no! A Furniture shop does not fall into that category. Travel around a bit and landmark places you like.

The second possibility is so-called sex huds. Those are huds that you attach to your screen and whenever you click on it, poseballs rez in front of you.  Those have the advantage that you can add animations to them and you do not depend on furniture anymore. However they only work on land where the owner allows rezing.

There are plenty of such huds availably for all kind of taste and preferences. Some basic ones you can get for free, the more sophisticated ones cost something between 2000 and 5.000 Lindens Dollar.

There are also some huds available which play entire scenes with very smooth transitions between animations. You can either play the entire set of animations automatically having your hands free for typing or whatever you want to do with them, or you can individually paly the animations in the order of your preference. In both cases the transitions look smooth and realistic, contributing to a much more “real” experience. Once you have used a hud like this, you will probably never go back to the regular huds.

I can highly recommend the following:

Seduction from AnimAlive:

Tender Love from Kizmet Kidd

Some basic sex huds you should be able to get for free on marketplace. A word of caution however: If you want to impress the lady, if she is an experienced Second Life resident freebies won’t do it,  unless you compensate with really good, detailed and imaginative emotes!

Respect limits

Not everyone wants to use voice or webcam. If she doesn’t want to, respect it. The same goes for sexual preferences. If she is not into BDSM or whatever you might have in mind, don’t be pushy. Being pushy can get easily understood as “sexual harassment” which gets you very fast on ban lists and if reported you might even get kicked out of Second Life completely.

NO, just means NO. End of story.

Deal with rejection in a mature way. It is childish to start insulting or lecturing a person who simple does not want to have sex with you. Call it a day and try elsewhere (or improve your skills and looks).

Real life activities during virtual sex

It is important to understand, that not everybody who indulges into a sex scene in Second Life is seeking satisfaction in Real Life. Many simply enjoy the erotic role play and immersion. Germans call that “Kopfkino”. If you are with somebody like that, avoid comments about what you do in Real Life.  Statements like “I wank myself faster now in real life” will kill it for your partner if he/she only role plays sex. Make sure you both are on the same planet in that sense.

However, there are many people which masturbate whilst having virtual sex. That’s fine, nothing wrong with that. For those people I have a suggestion: Try to match reality with virtual reality. What I mean by that is, adapt your rhythm to what you see on the screen and only erect your virtual parts if it actually happens in real and so on. It gives a bit more the feeling of “being there” and doing it with your partner, compared to just wank over pixel porn.

Try, it does make a huge difference!

Mood killer

Here a list that kills it for me at least:

  • Software crash: If that happens and your partner is not in the mood anymore, respect that and try another day.
  • Overusing the menu: Give it time for role play to develop; it does kill the mood if you flick around the menu as if you want to win a prize for “who gets through the menu first”
  • Sending cock pics: Yes, I know you are proud of him, but guess what: I don’t care and I am not interested to see him. In fact I am not interested in any real pictures of you. Keep your pics to yourself unless she asks for it.
  • Inappropriate locations: Did I mention the furniture shops?
  • AAAAAHHs and OOOOOOOOHs in chat. Come on you can do better than that.
  • Sudden change of location. Finish it were you started.

This should give you an idea, what’s required. Get it right and have fun. If you need advice or practice feel free to contact me In-World. I give individual affordable classes on virtual sex and yes, that includes sexual contact with me :-). Learning by doing so to speak (4.000 L$)

In-World User Name: carolinestravels.
Avatar Name: Caroline Resident

Related articles:

Having Sex in Second Life
Article about the technicalities of having sex in Second Life


39 thoughts on “Lets Talk About Sex!

  1. Do you know just how sad you sound…they are pixels ffs & a stunning avatar will be controlled by a unsocial totally opposite person has takended over their REAL life…how can you seriously feel any emotion having ‘sex’ using a pixel is beyond me & what’s more the replies are even more worrying. Seriously, enjoy your ‘real’ life & don’t let this virtual role take over ffs…

    1. Hello Jonboy

      we are all very well aware, that avatars are made of prims and pixels. However, there are real people behind those avatars whos hobby is to create a fantasy world and live (or play a role in) a second fantasy life. Hence the name “Second Life”. Some even develop what is called virtual personalities (google that one).

      There is nothing wrong with this as long as you can distinguish clearly between fantasy and reality.

      Others run around in the street to catch little monsters.


    2. You could say the very same think about movies, mangas or novels.
      Each of them alienate the reader from the real life, bringing him\her to a fantasy world where they can explore a range of different emotions.
      Are they bad too?
      The truth is that Second Life lets us to live our emotions in a more active way than reading a novel, and even if you are looking to a screen you are interacting with real people!
      I think that for sex, in particular, Second Life is a great opportunity because it joins the “visual” component men like with the “mental” component women can enjoy interacting with a real person.
      Of course many men love also knowing they are dealing with a woman who is interacting with them individually, much better than porn where they are just anonymous part of the crowd. It’s the mental pleasure of knowing that a girl is there doing things “with you” and “for you”, trying to discover your personal tastes and to give you a good time!
      Of course this could give a negative impact if one completely gives up from the real life, but this argument is applied to every kind of entertainement.

  2. I ran across a Quartz article about the sexbots (Realbotix project) today and was curious what else has been happening in virtual sex lately. This led me to your article(s) – great advice! I wish I’d found your posts when I experimented with Second Life a few years ago.

    My experience with SL was a bit of a mixed bag. When I first started I spent a few nights awake exploring this new world in pure excitement, visited cool places, looked at cool outfits, eager to work on my avatar and place, wanted to create all those things I couldn’t get in RL. I wanted to be the person I couldn’t be in RL. And more importantly, I wanted to find friends, connect, and I suppose even “love” without the boundaries and complications of RL. Not having seen any simulated sex on SL I didn’t think about it first and was wandering around trying to connect more innocently. It was a bit later when I learned a bit more about the sexual side of SL.

    Having the power to choose I was facing the first problem: What did I really want to be? A guy, a girl? That turned out to be a tough question. While I wouldn’t mind a great looking male avatar, I’m drawn to the female form. Not only the physical body, but also the clothing, styling options. I could spend quite some time working on my female avatar, but then it felt just wrong, especially when guys approached me. Maybe my mistake was to choose what I wanted my partner to be like, not what I really wanted to be myself. But even in RL I’m not particulary fond of the male form and identity. In the end, am I really a lesbian transgendered woman, or was it just a typical male fantasy? SL brought up a bit of gender confusion to me. I switched back and forth between male and female avatars and didn’t know who I was or wanted to be.

    At the same time I was wondering if I was just taking it too seriously. Shouldn’t I be treating this environment like a game? Wouldn’t other guys wander around in female avatars, and women possible in male avatars (in the end it might even out the playing field 🙂 I was wondering about people’s stories, their desires, interests, goals. I tried to keep RL completely out of it and see people only as virtual entities. But in the back of my mind I always pictured that real people behind the avatar. And that I guess freaked me out a little.

    Ultimately I ended up being as shy in SL as I was in RL. I would walk around hoping to meet someone, but I hesitated too much, couldn’t even talk to anyone virtually. SL was mostly an empty space, but even when there were people around, I couldn’t chat with them. My broken RL identity took over and broke my SL identity. After a while I wondered what I was doing there, aimlessly teleporting to one empty space to another, wanting to reach out but I just couldn’t do it. I even looked into virtual therapists, but I decided to quit SL and focus improve my RL a little bit.

    I figured SL was better suited to creative, social, extroverted people with great imagination and role playing skills, those whose RL world has become too small and need a second or even more worlds to expand. I don’t know, there was an interest and desire inside of me, but I had a hard time expressing it, in RL, in SL, in platonic relationships, or sexuality.

    But I’m rambling (sorry) – I guess all this is to say I enjoyed your refreshing posts, advice and openness. I might have to follow your tips and try it again some day with an oculus rift 🙂

      1. Hmm, yes! I might give it another try sometime, even if it’s just to say hi to you 🙂 I’m also curious to see if can handle my social and identity questions now, and in general what changed in the last few years.

    1. Sadly, you won’t get to do it with an Oculus Rift or any other VR rig. LL gave up on supporting those in Second Life a while back. They’re concentrating their VR efforts on their new thing, Sansar.

  3. Caroline
    ah point noted re the Siemens aspect! I thought it might refer to the time when lots of organisations had 2L outlets/presence but i understand. As said though great writing and as English is not even your native language very impressive from that aspect too. I speak some languages and have used them once or twice on 2L but not at any sophisticated level

  4. I would add btw on the aspect of Avatars that even using a basic Classic one with a very little bit of customising I was surprised at how much attention I constantly have got and how many compliments (not just the subtle as a brick to the head type requests you mention above) that I have received.

  5. Interesting and thoughtful piece about 2L really in general and not just the sexual side. I find the, if you like, philosophy etc behind 2L an intriguing concept in itself and its always of interest to find people like yourself. Its also interesting to see as in RL there are pompous types, the rude and ignorant everywhere. It was of course ironic that the poster criticising your English (possibly i suspect an American but we also have plenty of people like him, usually on the political right, in the UK) made a number of grammatical errors himself – added to which it evidently had not occurred to him that someone working for Siemens might be German – though he probably did not know Siemens are! I also think your observations to refute the presumption about the kind of persons on 2L was thoughful.
    On emoting btw one thing i have seen is that many people are not good at it and the type of dialogue in amorous encounters thst sounds like it comes from IKEA instructions for assembling a flat pack wardrobe (put A in B etc) is about as erotic as watching a news clip of Trump speaking.

    1. Knicki

      Thanks for commenting. However I need to clarify something. The name Siemens has nothing to do with the german corporation called Siemens AG. It is a relativelly common family name in Germany. The Siemens Media Group in Second Life is named after the founder of the group. This goes back to the days when a new user had to choose a name and a family name for the avatar.


  6. im still thinking of starting sl or not …… xd i have to say i cyberd alot i nthe past try skype and some other chats (with an without mic) and they say my voice is sexy and such and that i mrlly good at cybering but i rlly dunno like this shit is new to me xD (also dont look to my grammar plez i dont use this while im cybering just using shortcuts atm) xD bu id kif i should go in the game or not :/ the problem for me is that you have to look good i nthe game and have a good appealing dick and the game and such that costs money :/ but i think my cyber skills are good since i only got compliments so far in the past 3 years :p anyway if i decide to play the game i will add ya ^^ also verry nice article ^^ i like it

    1. dw

      Don’t bother entering Second Life, if you see it as yet another cyper sex chat. It is much more than that and sex is only one aspect of a virtual world. Oh, and : It is not a game!

      Short cuts for emotes? How lame is that!


      1. When I originally came to SL, I saw it as an extension of chat. How wrong I was!! Its really about people and how you interact with them in a virtual world. Get it right and you can have long standing meaningful relationships, both sexual and platonic with friends across the world. 10 years on, I’m still meeting interesting people… winks at Carol.

  7. Thank you for accepting my friend request! I am an utter newbie to SL and the possibility of sexy adventures allured me to it, thanks to your blog. I would appreciate any and all advice you might give me as I take my first steps. I sincerely hope we can meet up in-game. 🙂

    1. This wasn’t meant to be rude at all, although, it comes off that way. Just getting into it and trying to wrap my head around it. I am interested though! A whole new world, that I am oddly interested in and to be honest kind of embarrassed about!

      1. David

        no need to be embarrassed. Just register in Second Life, install the viewer and contact me when you passed orientation island. I can show you around in our weird but interesting world 🙂
        My user name is : carolinestravels .


    2. David

      you didnt get it. Yes, I do get the real “thing” often enough and I do look decent in real life too. It is NOT about one OR the other, its about one AND the other for different reasons. The two things are (in my and many other cases) not related to each other. One is living our real life (including sex). The other is living a “SECOND” Life (including but not limited to sex in a virtual world).

      The endless possibilities of a virtual world allow us to be creative, to do different things, to invent ourselves new. I would not want to live in a space station in real life either, in Second Life it would be fun though. If one drives a car in Second Life, would you apply the same reasoning and assume he/she doesn´t have a car in real life?

      Apply that same principle to sex in Second Life and you might understand what the thrill is. For example: I would never even consider working in the escort business in real life. Here its fun though. Its creating stories, situations, excitment. It is basically roleplay about something you would not even WANT in real, even if you COULD get it.

      Its all about the later: Having fun and being creative!


  8. Caroline,

    I am shocked at what second lifers are doing. I am not trying to be judgmental. I would love to have a serious chat with you about your second life sex life and your real life sex life. I know you said some people are only in it for role playing, you know more than I do, but I am going to say most people doing in second life want to do it in real life too. So get the heck out in the world and do it! If you want to f**k, GO F**K!

    I am not the best looking chick and I am older than I was yesterday but I still know I got it going on. Always have, always will. I would love to know who the real Caroline is… job, hair, size, eyes, age, married, kids… I find you very interesting. Anyway, keep on keepin’ on.

    1. Beck,

      Most people do this for fun. Period, dead easy!

      This does not necessarily mean, they dont have a sex life in real life. It just means they have a second sex life too. You want to know about my sex life? There is no need to know that, as it bears relevance. But I tell you anyway: Yes I do fuck in real life, yes I do swing in real life, yes I am married and I have kids and no I do not have problems with my marriage or sex life. One has nothing to do with the other. Understand that Second Life is a medium were most people go to do something different, to create, to explore, to role play and even develope virtual personas with virtual identities.

      In addition, I did meet people in Second Life which can not have sex in real life due to serious handicaps (paralysis for example). Sex in Second Life compensates them for the lack of sex in real life. You can not tell those people: GO FUCK, because they simply CAN NOT! Others I met, simply use Second Life to “live” fantasies, which they would never even consider to explore in real life. Those may include BDSM, D/s realtionships, swinging, bisexuality, being a prostitute and even rape and bestiality. Hey, if thats what rocks their boats there is nothing wrong to pixel-simulate that and if they are not into that in real life, there is nothing wrong with that either.

      Got my point?


      1. oh yeah just casually experimenting with rape to see if it’s my thing – do people actually do that? That’s quite scary, if so.

  9. Howdy Carol,

    I stumbled across your article a while ago and this is a pretty interesting read. Rare are the moments an SL resident takes the time to pull out an article this elaborate. Good work!

    And pay no attention to grammar Nazi’s. Some people do not understand the effort tit takes a non-english person to write an article this long and this detailed.


  10. Carol,

    I am fairly new to SL and found your blog to be extremely helpful. Your matter of fact reporting about SL, Role Play, and Sex have helped me greatly.

    I enjoy reading your blog. I realized that English was probably not your first language but I found that your style was natural and pleasing. I enjoy reading what you write!

    Keep up the great work… I look forward to seeing what adventure you will get in to next.

    Thangar Enigma

  11. Hi Carol,

    You spoke about turn-offs re: penis appearance, etc. Your incredibly poor command of grammar and spelling is a huge turn-off. I could list examples, but there are far too many. If you want to impress your readers, exactly as you write concerning impressing fellow second-lifers, you must make yourself more appealing, more believable. I would not take a single bit of advice from a person with such low English skills as yourself, as it says to me: “this person has not made any effort to improve herself at the most basic level.”

    You say you are a “freelance journalist”?? Go out and improve your spelling and grammar if you want to be taken seriously by the writing community!

    1. Oh cool, a grammer-nazi


      as soon as your German is as good as my English, you will have room for comment. My native language is German plus I speak Spanish and French too.
      How many languages do you speak?


    2. ….such low English skills as yourself.

      James. You should have said “you” rather than “yourself”. Improve your grammar before lecturing others.

    3. ‘I would not take a single bit of advice… (followed by some blah blah stuff)’

      And that is why, James here, will keep walking around with an orange peen that looks like a carrot on a tanned skin avatar. And think, that every woman in SecondLife, will be interested in humping him.

      YES James, it IS a total turnoff if you finally undress yourself and we see the above example appear on you, if you can’t figure out how to perfectly color match your peen. I have seen it soo many times on men…
      Instead of bashing the author on her language, (very childish of you James), I bet the ‘penis appearance’ got to you as you can’t manage to get it right yourself, huh?

      This article, is a good one for 90% of the men in SecondLife to read… And taking it as an advice…

  12. Loved the article…I’d tried to find your profile in SL…but Caroline or Caroline Resident gives me nothing.

    I realize you may want to keep from being bothered. I would love to meet you sometime. I enjoyed reading your blog a lot.


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